Archive for the ‘Holy Matrimony’ Category

This is a terrible time to be looking for a teaching job in Texas. (Anywhere, really, but we just had a major budget crisis over here and it’s a huge disaster.) So what am I doing? I’m looking for a teaching job in Texas! We recently moved for the husband’s job, so that meant that I had to leave my job. From what I hear, my old position was filled internally by an amazing person, so I’m really happy about what God is doing there!

I’m not exactly sure what God is doing here, though. I’ve had four interviews, and all of them really went great:

  • I was offered the first job at a private school, but I declined. (It was a 45-minute drive, about 1/5 of my previous salary, and no benefits. Honestly, not worth the gas.)
  • I sort of expected to be offered the second job, but they went out of their way to avoid me after my awesome interview. They never responded to my follow-ups, not even to say, “We hate you; would you please leave us alone!?”
  • By the third, I was just worn out by the whole disappointing rigamarole. I put on a good face, and I was called back for a second interview, but eventually passed over for someone with more experience teaching that particular class.
  • I’m waiting to hear back about my last interview, which was by far the best interview of my life. The assistant principal called me on Thursday to let me know that I was definitely a top contender, but that he’s running into some snags with my certification, (history vs. social studies), and he’s trying to get it worked out if he can. He’s hoping to give me an answer today (Monday).

My husband and I went on a date on Friday, and he asked me this question, “So what’s the plan if you don’t get hired?”

Whoa.

Let’s take this one step at a time and see what the man says. Let’s let Future Lainie deal with that problem. Let’s just relax and enjoy the nachos. Let’s not talk about things that make Lainie cry.

The fact of the matter is, I don’t know. I don’t even know if I WANT to be hired. I know I need to be, because I know we need the money. Here is why I want to get hired, and why I don’t:

If I Get Hired

  • Benefits! I would love to continue my insurance, and to actually have maternity coverage when that time comes. (Did you know that if you seek individual insurance in the state of Texas, they don’t offer maternity? AT ALL? You have to be part of a major company.)
  • Money! This is great, because we have lots and lots of debt. A lot of people think that we’re living on easy street now that my husband is in practice. Not so. You try having so much student debt that it’s like having another mortgage to pay — on top of regular expenses. We’re just as broke as you. You should see my sad, paint damaged car that was born when I was in 7th grade.
  • Fulfillment! It’s true that teaching is very fulfilling. I love students, and I love teaching. I know I’d love it, once I got into it. I know I’d miss it if I didn’t have it.
  • Not having to find another job! This is nice. If I get a teaching job, I don’t have to answer David’s question. I don’t have to agonize over whether to substitute teach or work retail. I don’t have to feel like a rejected loser who can’t get someone to hire her.

If I Don’t Get Hired

  • Writing! This is a big deal, even though I’m not getting paid for this, and I’ve experienced no success at it. I feel dumb making it sound like a big deal, but it’s a big deal to me. I love writing, and I feel like I’m doing what I was meant to do when I’m doing it. I wrote recently that August is typically my month for giving up. That’s true. I don’t know how people can have a full-time job, hold down normal household and life responsibilities, AND write. I have no idea, because I end up having to give up writing when school starts every year. Presently, I’m super-involved in this novel I’m writing, and I’m really upset that I might have to give it up in a week.
  • Less stress! Teaching is super-stressful, no matter what. Your first year at a new school is that times ten million, and I’m not stoked about that. I’ve already done it twice, and I know that getting this job I’m waiting to hear about would have its own unique stressors. One of which is NOT having my own classroom! They have so many students and so little space that you have to pay your dues as a newbie and carry your classroom on a cart from room to room throughout the day. I’ve done that, and it sucks. You don’t ever feel like you have a home, and your kids can’t make their classroom their own, because it’s not. Boo. Plus it’s high school and all the kids are bigger than me! (I want high school over middle school, but I wish they were shorter.)
  • Better marriage! Honestly, I’m a better wife these days. I can take care of things and offer to help him with whatever he needs done during the day, and I’m always super-excited to see him when he gets home. No griping and stressing and grumping because I have to make dinner, clean the litter box, sweep the floor, grade papers, and lesson plan in two hours. When you’re teaching — especially your first year at a new school and/or subject — you never stop working. It’s hell. I’ll be a terrible wife.

So what now? We wait and see what the man says, then let Future Lainie deal with it. Enjoy the nachos.

~LG

None of the Ws.

Posted: April 30, 2010 in Holy Matrimony, Teaching, Writing

LG:  “I can’t seem to fit writing and wife-ing and working into the same day.  How does one do it without one of them going to total crap?”

KD: “Honestly? Something is going to suffer, and that something is usually you.”

I’ve been very selfish lately.  I feel called by God to write, so I’ve been feeling this sense of entitlement, like everything and everyone around me should cater to this.  Obviously, this is wrong; none of the Ws should suffer.

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Yes — write.  Lainie, WRITE!  Maybe no one around you understands why, but I do.  I made you to write.  So write.  “Wife-ing?”  You know that I made you to love the mess out of that man in the next room.  You need him, and he needs you.  Don’t go acting like your writing is more important than him; don’t you ever be so arrogant.  You love him like I made you to love him.  Shut your computer and love him.  And working?  Think about the students I gave you; they love you and need you like none of your students before ever did.  You can’t slack on them, either.  So what’s going to suffer?  Not a W, that’s for sure — a Y.

Y O U.  Get over it now and figure out a schedule.  You’re doing all three Ws, and you better do them with all your heart.   No excuses for letting any of them suffer.

What are you waiting for?

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An easier answer?  If I’m honest, that’s exactly what I’m waiting for.  An easier answer and more time.  Unfortunately, I don’t think either of those is going to happen, so I guess I need to get my butt in gear!

Ws, here I come.

~LG